Toys Toys Toys
by xxxMs.Mexxx
Summary: A silly, amusing fic, with adult topics. Lily's best friend stops by to show her her new toy. How does Lily react to it? And what does Sirius think he's lost. M for topics


HEY THERE!

Um looks sheepish BIHB isn't workign with me...The silly thing is not listening to me AND i cant seem to sound Angsty enough.

However i am still workign on it and you'll get it during next week!

YAY right?

lol

Anywho This little drivel appeared in my little perverted mind.

If you'll ignore the Grammar, Punctuation and the fact the story line sucks this may amuse you to some extent! I hope!

lol anway...here we go...:D

-Luv ya

Sash

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing

…

**Toys Aplenty**

"What the hell is this?" Lily Evans said staring at the object in her hand in horror. The _object_ there had been just placed on said hand by her friend.

"What does it look like?" Miranda Adams retorted rolling her eyes. Still she got no positive feedback as Lily was still staring at the object in her hand morbidly.

Leaning forward Miranda flipped the 'on' switch and set the level to medium. Then at once the thing in Lily's hand started to move.

"Ahh," Lily screamed and dropped it on the floor, steeping away as far as she could before staring at the thing wiggling on the floor.

"What is that?" she asked.

"The correct term for it is 'Kong the Realistic – Vibrating Dildo'" Miranda said calmly. "Don't tell me you haven't seen a vibrator before?"

"No!" Lily exclaimed horrified. Her face was still twisted and she was still staring at the thing in horror. "I—err—I have the real thing. Why would I want to know what a fake—" she shuddered, "_male thing_ looked like?"

Miranda raised an eyebrow, "why aren't you being mature about this?" she asked in return.

Lily looked at her friend; clearly there was something wrong with the girl's thinking process, "Because there is a fake male anatomy wiggling in the middle of my living room." She practically screeched.

There was no way a sane person could be perfectly calm if they saw that in their house.

Miranda however, laughed gaily for suddenly Lily looked scandalized.

"Don't tell me—I mean have you _used_ one of those things?"

Miranda looked at her, in what Lily assumed was pity. "They make such _things_—as you put it—based on real human parts."

That still didn't answer Lily's question.

"It's quite realistic when you touch it. You can't even tell it's made with plastic and gel." She continued.

_**I** can tell it's not real!_ Lily exclaimed in her head. It is not humanly possible for real person to have a _thing_ that long and _fat_.

And she should know! She was a nurse! Not that she went around dealing with men's privates or anything of course.

Oh Merlin she needed to sit down.

She wrenched her eyes away from the still-wriggling object back to Miranda's face. Her grey eyes sparkled in humour. Lily did _not_ find this funny! Exclamation point!

"Do not laugh at me." Lily demanded. "James will be home any minute and I don't want him seeing this."

"Why not?" Miranda exclaimed not affronted.

"Because I don't want him to think that its mine. Call me loopy, but a wife doesn't want her husband to see a toy that can give sexual gratification to anybody else except him."

"What?"

"Oh god," she continued "James would freak out if he thought he couldn't satisfy me sexually."

"Does he though?" Miranda asked purposefully misreading the statement.

"Of course he does, it was just this morning we went at it where you're sitting" Lily said point to the place on the couch, where her friend was sitting, exasperatingly. It was then Lily had the decency to blush at what she said, as Miranda flew off the sofa and sought out another place to sit.

She sat in the single-seater and looked at Lily in question. Then and biting her lip to refrain from giving a pleasured giggle Lily nodded her head.

Miranda jumped up again and looked around. Shuddering delicately she decided standing was the better option and leant against the wall.

Lily hesitated before continuing, she then decided not to mention that was not a good spot either.

"Men have fragile egos and don't want to upset James," Lily said and got snorted laughter in response.

"Since when did you start protecting James feelings?"

"I haven't…really. I just don't want him mad at me when he gets home."

"Why?" Miranda asked confused.

Lily grinned faintly. "He promised to get here early so we could pick up where we left off this morning."

"Oh for the love of God," Miranda exclaimed horrified. "It's been almost six months since the two of you got married and you're still going at it like rabbits? What the hell? Give a girl a break. You really don't need to rub it in my face that you're getting regular sex on a daily basis." She said stormily then stopped. "I should rephrase that. What I meant to say was you're getting regular sex on an hourly basis so just shut up about it already."

"I'm not the one who shows up at her best friend's house with a _vibrator_…and you _still_ haven't told me why you brought it here." Lily retorted.

"I wanted to see your reaction to it." Her friend laughed. "Well that and I wanted to know your take on my using it."

"You're twenty-one years old for goodness sakes. You should be going out and having sex with other people not doing it by yourself in your room."

"People…as in plural?" Miranda asked raising an eyebrow.

Lily waved her hand in frustration. "Oh you know what I mean," but Miranda's expression didn't change. "A guy, I mean a single guy."

"I haven't actually used it," the girl finally admitted and Lily breathed a sigh of relief. "Yet."

"So you're planning to?"

"Lily, not everyone finds the love of their lives as easily as you do." Miranda said. "Some of us the satisfaction of an orgasm when they don't have a man in their lives.

"Still though," Lily protested, losing ground. It wasn't as though she any idea what made a person use a sex toy.

"The size of it makes things interesting…don't you think?" Miranda said knowing she was setting Lily even more on edge.

"No!"

Just then the door knob rattled and unlocked. James was home.

Walking in, his hair moved about a bit before settling at odd ends and he grinned out a greeting, "hey Miranda, Lil."

"James," Lily said weakly. Merlin, what his hair did to her. He went to her then, kissing her hello.

"Oh for crying out loud," Miranda muttered irritably.

They broke apart and James turned to smile at Miranda. It was then though, that he heard the whirring sound and glanced at the floor.

"Uh—"

"It's hers," Lily said immediately pointing to Miranda.

"Okay…?"

Shaking her head, Miranda went and picked it up. "Thanks a lot Lily."

"No charge."

"Do I even want to know?" James asked looking from his wife to Sara.

"I came to ask Lily what she thought of me using a vibrator." Miranda said but then gave a disgusted look. "But she wasn't any help. What do you think James?" she asked and placed it—still moving—onto the coffee table.

"You can't ask a man what he thinks off one of those things." James protested, faintly alarmed.

Miranda looked upwards sighing. _The two of them deserved each other_, she thought and was about to tell them so when a faint **_pop_** was heard.

"Sirius, how many times have we told you not to apparate in here uninvited," Lily exclaimed. "What if we needed privacy?"

"Aw Lilikins, you know you love me," he said grinning at her outraged expression and not even bothering to answer her question.

Lily scowled at him as James rubbed her back to calm her. Then, hearing a whirring noise looked down at the object in question that was still wriggling on the small table.

His face got a confused look then he turned away from them and looked inside his pants. Then, turning back around, he sighed. "Good I thought I thought I was seeing things."

"What?" Both Lily and James had looks of horror and stupefaction.

"Well I thought that was mine, looks about the same. I'm silly though, of course I'd have noticed that it was missing."

_Silence…_

"My my Black, how you've changed." Miranda said in awe.

"What?" Sirius said confused.

"Tell me Sirius," Miranda said going to loop her arm through his. "How come we've never gone out with each other?"

"Uh…huh?"

"You haven't dated in a while," she said tracing an index finger down his front, "why don't you change your mind with me?" and winked.

Their friend was totally frightened now and Lily and James watched in amusement as Sirius pushed away from Miranda and scampered to the door.

"What have been smoking Adams?" Sirius exclaimed in a high pitched squeak. "Never mind I don't want to know." And then without saying goodbye he opened the door and raced out.

Miranda turned to couple and smirked, "I'll be seeing you. I've set my sights on the real thing." Then rethought that and moved to the coffee table. "Still, I better keep this handy though."

And with those last words Miranda headed out to find Sirius.

Minutes passed and the two newlyweds were still standing in the middle of their living room staring at their closed front door.

"Tell me I was dreaming."

"Sorry love, no can do." James replied confused. What in the world just happened? No he didn't want to know. He'd rather forget their mates were lunatics, thank you very much.

"Right, thought so. I need to sit down."

"Yes…me too."

"Let's pretend we don't who they are for a little while."

James laughed, "I agree, but they'll be hard to ignore."

"We can do something to forget about them for the time being," Lily suggested with a coy look.

"Yeah? Like what?"

"Oh, you know a little of this," Lily saddled up close pushing him onto the couch. "A little of that," she said then straddled him.

"Oh yeah, that's a good idea." He said and then they were both lost in their oblivion.

…

Please R and R


End file.
